Relax

We have to handle many things in our lives and stress creeps in without any permission. If we do not deal with it, it will overcome us and we will be consumed. Relaxing is then an important thing in life.

Singing is my hobby. I can't live without singing. I do sing every single day, especially when I'm taking shower. The bathroom is like my own karaoke room. hahaha And I always sing on the balcony after my dinner. (p/s. I always wonder if my neighbors hear me singing and maybe they would launch a complaint to the management office ? *shrug* haha) Anyway, this is the way I release my stress.

And of course I love listening to songs too ! The rhythm. The lyrics. Wowww Especially when the lyrics is like talking to me. AWESOME. Yeah. That's the word to describe it.  I always try to find out the every single words of the songs and the stories or messages the singers want to tell or deliver without referring to the lyrics from web. English songs are somehow a challenge for me. So, I have to give up sometimes. haha

I'm listening to Lorde's songs now.  I didn't like this kind of music in the past but I find it very attractive now ! People do change, right ? *wink* Speaking of Lorde, she's younger than I thought ! OMG  Her voice is sooooo special and I can't imagine a teenager could sing those songs in such a perfect way. And, she's songwriter too !!! Unlike Taylor Swift who always writes about romance and love story, Lorde writes more about LIFE and ATTITUDES. She wrote the these idea in 'Team', 'Bravado', 'Royals', 'Buzzcut Session' and so on. And all of these songs are collected in her album, Pure Heroine. I really like the album name without any reasons. It says, " We live in city, you'll never see on screen. Not very pretty but we sure know how to run things." in her song, 'Team'. Yes. Our lives are not very pretty somehow and we do not know what are we exactly doing sometimes but we would find a way to deal with the problem in the end. This is the way we run things. This is the way that I run things, in exact.

And yeah, I really enjoy tonight. I'm all alone in house. A silent night with Lorde's songs. I guess this is the most relax moment in my life. Close the eyes. Enjoy the songs. Listen to the words she sings. That's it ! Satisfied.

Ok. It's getting late.  Time to sleep ! Goodnight ! :)

Memories

I just finished reading the novel "Before I Go to Sleep" yesterday. It is a thriller kind. I found that I really like this kind of novel or movies because I will keep guessing how would the story ends when I'm reading. And, I felt very excited when I finally found out what's going on in the story.

This novel is a story of a woman, Christine who lost her memories when she wakes up everyday. Let's imagine if you were her. How awful it would be. It says, 'Memories define us.' at the back of the novel. I'm totally agree with it, especially when I finished reading. What would it be if you trust the people around you when you wake up without memories as it is probably the only thing that you could do or would do and in the end you find out they could not be trusted at all or they have been telling lies ? Wow. Thrilled. That's exactly what Christine experienced. If I were her, I would write journal like she did to note down what happens everyday. But, one problem is when the one who close to you (in Christine'case, her "husband") does not mean to let you memorize anything of the past and he would tear out some part of your journal and make up lies to let you live the way he wants and be the person he wants you to be, but you would not know as you just simply learn your past from the "modified journal". Perhaps you remember something someday or find the pages that were torn, then you only realize things are going wrong.  So, you have to find out the truth on your own.

I think memories make up our lives. We are nothing without memories, it would like you lost your soul.  And, memories have good and bad but they are ours, our life. So, don't try to let go of them. Learn from the past and move on with experiences. That's how life should be.

p/s : I heard that this novel is going to be made into film. I'm quite longing for it. xD

Sensitive

Hey you ! I don't know what kind of this feeling is. Maybe I'm acting a bit over sensitive again.

Thinking too much has been an issue to me. Imma over-sensitive. I know that very well but I just can't help myself. And, I've been trying to convince myself that I was over-thinking again as the incident was going on but I just failed. But no worries. I always find a way to fix it so I wouldn't be consumed by the sinking feeling. But, it was only right after the "thinking too much" moments or after the incident ended. 

Maybe I know what exactly was going on but I just refused to accept it and thus I just let myself drown in the over-thinking to find some excuses and pretend the thing was what I wanted it to be. And, I only faced the fact after the whole incident ended. 

Over-thinking is somehow not a good thing. 

Goodnight people.

21 and me.

2015 year is coming in 3 days time. A year for me to turn into 21 years old. 

This year, I started to think about my life seriously as my birthday passed. My age was started with "2", neither "0" nor "1" anymore. It is an age to take more responsibilities on whatever I do or say no matter I really mean it or not, to take care of family members no matter they are needed or not, to think about the direction of my life and to be independent no matter I am ready or not, to build social network no matter it is really my thing or not ...... People who know me would notice that I've changed a lot but people who know me WELL would notice I just changed a few. I guess there is one people in the world does --- my sister.

In high school, there was so much stress to pull and push me and I became serious, cool, calm, rigid ...... 

Perhaps, I was the one who has been pulling myself. I only released my own self in seniors year in high school, especially in senior three. And I still remembered what my close friends said. They were like : oh xiao xin you've changed ! HAHA In fact, I didn't change because that's the real me. And, this is going on when I'm in university. And, my high school friend got shocked and surprised when they met me in university. Haha  Hello everyone, welcome to meet the HALF-REAL me ! *wave hand*

Half-real me ? You would be wondered about this. I bet my sister is the only one who knows the truly real me. And, she took about 20 years time hahaha So, you can start counting the years now, friends. *wink* hahaha

But, I did change something --- my view for love and romance. Thanks to Taylor Swift. I inspired by her words : "You can have love around you without being in love and you can find romance in your life without being in a romantic relationship." 

I used to think that love and romance must relate to boyfriend girlfriend thing. And, I've wondered why I don't have a boyfriend. Was that my fault ? Was that I'm not deserve it ? Was that I'm too awful ? blah blah blah  Million of questions wandered in my mind. Now, I can laugh to my naive and funny thoughts because I define love as any single thing that could make me feel happy. And, being with family members is my love and romance. How about boyfriend ? I believe he will come to me when I'm not looking for him. That's so called FATE. Yes, I believe in fate. So, let's wait. 

I used to care about how people think of me,  the impression they have on me, the conversation about me...... Now, what I think is other people have no rights to define anything of me but if they do, let them do. Who cares what they think of me ? They care ? Let them care. I am the one who live my life so I am the one who defines it. There are too many stuff in life and we couldn't take care of every of them. So, we have to classify them into positive and negative and shake all the negative thing off.

And again, thanks to Taylor Swift. She taught me that people have to shake unnecessary thing off  to make ourselves to be happier.

It's time to say goodbye to the naive and somehow funny me. May I do well in becoming a young adult in my 21 age.

Let's embrace the new year and may you all have a pleasant year ahead ! All the best.

Love,

Seowyan
28.12.2014

P/S : This is the song that I recently obsessed with.
Like Lorde sings :" This is the start of how it all ends"
Say goodbye for all the bad things and leave them in 2014 because 2015 is coming very very soon.
Hope you enjoy the song ! :)

谁 ?

寻寻觅觅

命中注定的他，会是谁 ?

还是，根本不会有谁 ?

就算没有

一个人过 也算不错。

“ 现在的我 还是对爱充满疑惑

没对或错 还不想给什么承诺

保持沉默 独自走过

空虚和寂寞 它们陪伴着我

装作洒脱 其实很懦弱

有太多的借口 终究没有结果

谁让我感觉他最了解我

眼神交错 话都不用说

就抱紧我 让我感受 他多爱我 

谁让我感觉不需要再躲

过去心痛从此被淹没

就抱紧我 让我感受 他多爱我

让我相信他是爱我的”

《谁》蔡健雅